Have you ever read some else’s diary? Did they ever find out? Did it change how you viewed them? Why or why not? Once, Studley did, and though maybe I should have been, I wasn’t even mad. I was incapable of communicating my true self out loud. So, I rage journaled, never intending for his eyes to see it. It was after an especially horrible weekend. In hind sight, it was exactly what needed to happen, for US. It got his attention in a way I was failing to communicate. It sparked a journey that led us to where we are today. Never all the way there, but not too shabby by any stretch of the imagination. Looking back on 21 years has been enlightening for me. There’s been many ups and downs, and after all of it, he’s still worth it. Because he is my favorite person.
Ephesians 6:12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
When we fight with our spouse, it’s usually not against each other. Not really. The second we put it in that context we get a clearer picture of what’s really going on. It’s like seeing the other side of the matrix because you took the red pill. Christianity can kind of be like that. But it’s not a movie with Keanu Reeves. The world is getting so dark that if you step even a little outside the gates of the garden, you quickly descend into a seedy back alley late at night. There are no streetlamps. As Christians, we are told to go light the world, because He knew that for a time it would be dark out there for all of us, and that just because you become a Christian, the spiritual battle doesn’t end. The battle rages on for our faith. We must remember that most of the time, the fight is Satan trying (and sadly often succeeding) to throw a wrench in our lives. How can we light the path for others to see the way to God when we aren’t even holding up a candle stick in our own marriage?
Psalm 119:105 Your word is a light to my feet, and a light to my path.
When I go just a day or two without purposefully communing with God, or stepping away from His light…I feel the spiritual attacks almost immediately. The devil ALWAYS goes for our weakness. Which for most people, the quickest way to muddle up our lives is our weak minds. Our thought lives. The very fact that we war against an errant thought or idea to some degree, should tell us it’s not a thought from God. And if we’re against it, that leaves only one source trying to ruin our otherwise great mood, or health level, or relationship harmony. Whatever we begin to struggle with, stop it in its’ tracks. Pray for discernment. Mental toughness is an imperative quality that seems to be dying out. If it doesn’t align with the Word, get rid of it.
Studley and I can be vibing beautifully…but then here Satan comes and messes with who? About 90% of the time it’s the weaker vessel, of course, a.k.a. me. Don’t @ me. You know it’s true. I will be skipping along, living my best life. Then the father of LIES drops some stupid shiny gem down into my wandering mind. And when he catches me at just the right time…maybe when I’m exhausted, frustrated, feeling lonely, timid, insecure, jealous, depleted…noticing a pattern yet? Because now in hindsight I’m seeing it. I need to practice what I preach. If I don’t take my thoughts captive, they run amuck like nobody’s business. Feelings and emotions are sometimes valid, but they are often just that. A fleeting emotion, passing through. Seeing them as such is like a daily mental battle. Some days are better than others. But the spiritual attack is never ceasing. See a Bible for details. I know the days that I’m walking with Him and consciously recognizing lies for lies, they bounce off me like Teflon. I can delete them as soon as they show up. He shines the light on their worthlessness.
Recently, I was a sucker…sometimes I just cannot help myself. (This is why I know I am in fact as the Bible describes me, a weaker vessel.) I neglected to take every thought captive. I neglected to think about what is pure, lovely true, etc. I was ignoring the blessing I was receiving in real time. After a horrible start to a Sunday morning, Studley still took me bird shopping. He made an effort to give me quality time I’d asked for the night before. He even went to bed early, knowing we had a early day date the next day. This was a big deal to me. Did I mention we watched www.lcboise.com church together as a family on YouTube before we left on my expensive errand? The drive down the hill was off due to my ungrateful mood. This should have been the time we talked about the awesome sermon we had just listened to. But not with this crazy girl riding shotgun. I was butt hurt about something silly, even though I was getting what I’d asked for. What level of crazy is that? Once we made it through the first store, we started really communicating. Then I wanted to go to another store to see a different variety of toys for the crazy bird. He happily drove me. Then I wanted Olive Garden. Then I asked him to spend some more money. Which he happily did. Then we came home and he took a nap. At which time I laid next to him and continued to stew on some of the stupidest petty B.S. you have ever heard. I was focusing on the things I wanted him to be doing that he wasn’t, while missing what he was doing. Which was exactly what I had previously asked him to do. All of it. Except church, he would have watched that anyway. He could have happily spent the day on his computer, but he said let’s do whatever you would like. He was trying to speak my love language, which is quality time. Because he read my rage journal and heard me.
My point in telling this bit of the story is to say that the struggle is real and it happens on a daily basis. It’s worse when I don’t invite the Holy Spirit on my adventures. It’s like me saying, I’ve got it, I don’t need you today and I’ll talk to you later. To “die to oneself” is something that sounds awful and crazy and religious. But if you picture a bad actor on a small-town stage where the guy or gal looks like a seizing southern belle fluffing the pillow and fixing their hair before they perish, you know how silly we look when we try to “act” like we understand the scripture. In the act I’m attempting in my real life, I often start by listening to the song “I Come To The Garden Alone” by Paul Brandt. And then the rest of my “Worship” playlist on spotify.com – talk about a reboot to the brain. AKA my thought life. When you understand how God wants it, it is the most freeing act of all. Giving up our stubborn way for His superior sublime way requires experience, not explanation. I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
The next step is to read through the scriptures on a daily basis regarding the Armor of God. I bet if I conducted an experiment, the results would be for His Glory. I will have to consider it but I like the idea so far. Maybe I will document it. Intentionally drawing near to Him from dawn ’til dusk would be a cool challenge. Everyone could post verifiable results in real time.
Ephesians 6:10-20 The Whole Armor of God
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.
I challenge you to start watching www.lcboise.com weekly sermons on YouTube. Watch it for the life lessons you get and good advice on how to live up to your potential. Look at it like going to the gym. Continuous workouts are necessary to get those gains. It’s not a one and done. I have yet to meet the man who knows so much about the Bible that he ceases to attend a church of some format because he understands all of it. The man who claims that is not being truthful. There’s potential for never-ending advancing knowledge. I pray that someday we may meet, here, there or in the air.
Love,
Peach 🙂
PS: I appreciate the way you love me Studley. It’s something to aspire to, really. I don’t say enough, but I do recognize the effort you put in to fulfilling my every wish and desire. It’s night and day better than the ‘pre-journal days’. I love you, and you’re my favorite person, second only to my God and Savior, Jesus, the Christ.
